Home > Single Girl Rules #GoddessContest(5)

Single Girl Rules #GoddessContest(5)
Author: Ivy Smoak

“Wait,” said Teddybear. “So it is a bikini in honor of Stalin? What would that even look like?”

“It would have to come with a fake mustache,” said Simon.

“Grey bikini with red on collar,” said Slavanka. “And officer cap. Very sexy.”

I shook my head. “No. Stolakini.”

“Yes yes,” said Slavanka. “Stalinkini.”

Dear Lord. “You know what, let’s just move on to phase 2 of the plan.”

“Phase 2?” asked Teddybear. “But I don’t even know what the point of phase 1 is. Other than to honor Stalin I guess?”

I set the shoebox aside and took my phone back from my very dumb bodyguards. “Okay, let me break it down for you.” I rolled out a big sheet of wrapping paper, flipped it over to the back side, and started drawing a map of my plan. First up was a quick sketch of Roma Island. I pointed to it with the pencil. “This is the resort’s weak spot. We can sneak onto the island tonight while there’s no security. And then when the three guards come over on the boat tomorrow morning, we’ll steal their IDs. That’ll give us access to…”

“Wait,” said Teddybear. “How are we gonna steal their IDs?”

“I pretend I Great Leader,” said Slavanka. “Order guards give me ID.”

“You really think that’ll work?” asked Simon. “I don’t think the three guards on the island are Russian.” He flipped to the employee list in his stack of documents. “Yeah, no. Marco Rossi and Giuseppe Esposito sound like full-blooded Italians. And unless Hakeem Washington is a Russian spy, then I think you’re outta luck.”

“Mussolini outfit very similar to Stalin,” said Slavanka. “Il Duce!”

“Why not just dress up as Hitler?” I joked.

Slavanka spit on the floor, narrowly missing a box of Odegaards. “Hitler bad.”

“So that’s where you draw the line? Good to know.”

“Wait,” said Simon. “You know it’s a goddess contest and not a dictator contest, right? It feels like this plan is going in a really weird direction…”

“ANYWAY. As I was saying… We’ll steal the IDs from the guards. Ghostie, can you find a way to intercept communications from the island? I don’t want them radioing back to the mainland.”

Ghostie grunted in a way that seemed like a yes.

“Good. While you do that, we’ll need to disable their boat. Can you…”

“Yes yes,” interrupted Slavanka. “I make pipe bomb. Just need nails, fertilizer…”

“An explosion probably wouldn’t be ideal if we’re trying to be discrete.”

Slavanka nodded. “I wrap dog intestine around propeller. Sneaky sneaky.”

What now? “I’m loving your enthusiasm, but I was actually gonna let Teddybear handle this one. You’ll be busy with the goddess contest.”

“In my Stalinkini!”

“Yeah. You know what, I’m starting to worry that Justin won’t get it just right. You should probably go help him design it.”

“Ah! Yes yes!” She clapped in excitement and then ran off to the back room, still wearing nothing but a single boot.

“Okay, where was I?”

“I think you had me wrapping a dog intestine around the boat propeller?” said Teddybear. “Or was it a pipe bomb?”

Ghostie punched him in the arm and growled.

Teddybear cleared his throat. “I’ll cut a few wires. It’ll take them hours to get it started.”

“Perfect,” I said. I drew a line from the island back to the mainland. “Once we have the IDs, Slavanka and I will use them to enter the hotel dressed as maids.”

“Won’t work,” said Ghostie. “If their security is worth shit, the command center will compare your faces to the pictures linked to the IDs.”

“Aw, Ghostie. You really think they’re gonna be looking at our faces?” I jiggled my beautiful breasts to get the point across. “Or I guess you could hack their security system and change what they’re seeing in the command center.”

“It’s a closed system,” said Simon. “You can only hack it if you are physically in the command center.”

“Okay, cool. We’ll do that then. And then we’ll head up to the penthouse and save Ash.” I drew a sexy little stick figure on the wrapping paper and used some lipstick to give her red hair.

Teddybear nodded. “You make it sound so easy.”

“Is that it?” asked Simon. “I thought that Justin guy was screaming about weddings or something?”

“Bachelorette monokinis,” I corrected. “Those are a crucial part of our escape plan.”

“Which is…?” asked Teddybear.

“We’re gonna walk right out the front door.” I drew me, Ash, and Slavanka all strutting out of the hotel and the banana king standing there looking like an idiot. And then I drew a gigantic cock on him just to make sure my drawing was clear. God, I miss that beautiful thing. “Any questions?”

“Yes,” said Teddybear. “So many.”

Ghostie grunted in agreement.

“Alright!” I said. “Let’s get to work!”



Chapter 4 – Shush Your Beautiful Face

Sunday, Sept 22, 2013

I rolled over and put the king-sized pillow over my face to drown out all the commotion.

“Ugh, what’s all that noise?” I groaned.

“Your outfits are here!” exclaimed Justin.

I’d never jumped out of bed so fast.

I ran over to the boxes of clothes and started pulling the lids off.

“Justin,” I gasped. “These are freaking amazing!”

“I know,” he said, but with way less sass than I’d expected. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked a little wobbly.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Hmm? Yeah. I’m fine. Just need a little coffee…” He downed an entire cup of coffee and his eyes shot open. “Woo! That’s better. Sorry about that. I’ve been up for 24 hours straight!”

I nodded. “We’ve been working hard too.” I pointed to Ghostie soldering something at the desk. “Ghostie was up all night prepping spy equipment. Teddybear got one of Daddy’s yachts ready to be our mobile HQ. Simon wrote software to hack the Locatelli’s security systems. And I had the hardest job of all.”

“Did you?” asked Simon from behind his laptop. “Because I’m pretty sure you slept all night.”

“Uh, yeah. I told you – my job last night was to get plenty of beauty rest. Looking this good is hard.”

“Preach, girlfriend,” said Justin.

“Actually, looking this good is hard for most people. But I’ve been blessed with flawless skin, perfect bone structure, and huge tits.” I grabbed them in case he hadn’t seen. Although it would have been hard for him not to see…I was currently naked. “So it isn’t actually that difficult.”

All four exhausted boys stared at me angrily.

“Don’t look at me like that. I also made a phone call. Which was like…so weird. It made me feel like such an old person.”

Hot Books
» House of Earth and Blood (Crescent City #1)
» A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire
» From Blood and Ash (Blood And Ash #1)
» A Million Kisses in Your Lifetime
» Deviant King (Royal Elite #1)
» Den of Vipers
» House of Sky and Breath (Crescent City #2)
» Sweet Temptation
» The Sweetest Oblivion (Made #1)
» Chasing Cassandra (The Ravenels #6)
» Steel Princess (Royal Elite #2)
» Twisted Hate (Twisted #3)
» Angry God (All Saints High #3)
» The War of Two Queens (Blood and Ash #4)